TRQ v TRR

• Jurisdiction: Singapore
• Judge: Yarni Loi
• Judgment Date: 09 September 2016
• Neutral Citation: [2016] SGFC 106
• Court: Family Court (Singapore)
• Docket Number: FC/OSG43/2016, Summons No 745/2016 and 1891 of 2016
• Year: 2016
• Published date: 30 September 2016
• Hearing Date: 11 August 2016,18 August 2016
• Plaintiff Counsel: Loh Wai Mooi (M/s Bih Li & Lee LLP)
• Defendant Counsel: Ashok Chugani (M/s Mirchandani & Partners)
• Subject Matter: Children's issues,Care and control,Shared care and control,Overnight and overseas access - Schooling
• Citation: [2016] SGFC 106

District Judge Yarni Loi: Introduction

These are my grounds of decision in respect of issues arising from the care and control of a 3 year-old boy whose parents (both university graduates who are currently unemployed) are going through marital difficulties. Up until January this year, parties were still trying to save the marriage.¹ However, after an incident in Phuket in end January this year when both were allegedly violent towards each other, matters rapidly went downhill.

Father says Mother has been obstructing access. He now wants shared care and control of the child from Thursday morning to Sunday morning, with Mother to have care and control for the remainder of the week. While Mother is prepared to allow Father generous access, she does not agree with shared care and control as she believes the child requires a home base to return to at night, especially since the child is still breast-feeding. On balance, I generally agree with Mother that shared care and control is not appropriate in this case although I will give Father overnight access starting in November 2016. In my view, shared care and control is not advisable given that the child has been showing signs of anxiety and stress and has not spent a night alone with Father before. Shared care and control would only add further disruption to the child’s already disrupted life. Further, effective shared care and control requires a high degree of co-operation and co-parenting, but the parents in this case are highly acrimonious and have different parenting styles as evidenced by their cross-applications for PPOs (which parties eventually withdrew) and inability to even agree on the child’s pre-school.

The child enrolled in xxx at the start of January 2016, but after the Phuket incident that same month (when he was apparently told by Father that parents were getting a divorce and he would have two homes), has been refusing to go to school. It has become a challenge to get him to go to school every morning and his attendance has been erratic. Mother now wants to enrol the child in a different pre-school run by xxx (“SHHK”), but Father insists the child should remain in xxx. Given that the child is only 3, and going through anxious and stressful times, I do not see the benefit of forcing the child to remain in St James when he should be enjoying, and should be given the chance to enjoy, his childhood years. I will therefore allow Mother to enrol him in SHHK. Finally, I believe it is fair that Father pays Mother $1,500 per month towards the child’s maintenance.

Brief background facts

Plaintiff-Father and Defendant-Mother started dating in late 2011. In late 2012, Mother became pregnant. In around October 2012, the couple moved into Father’s house at xxx, Singapore (“Matrimonial home”). On 9 December 2012, they registered their marriage. On 6 June 2013, their child, a son, was born. He is now 3 years old.

At around the time of the marriage, Father was working as xxx of a private equity firm, xxx, while Mother was working as a xxx at xxx.

After the child was born, Mother went on her maternity leave. She returned to work on 23 September 2013 when their child was about 4 months’ old. Mother says that from 23 September 2013 to 27 March 2015 (when Mother stopped working), she had flexible work arrangements which allowed her to work from home, so that she could still take care of the child. She also hired a domestic helper and paid for the expenses of the helper. Maternal grandmother (“MGM”) or paternal grandmother (“PGM”) would take turns to come over to help look after the child as well. In around May 2014, their helper left.

Meanwhile, in around May 2014, Father lost his job. Thereafter, he became a stay-at-home father. Mother however says that it was never his intention to be a stay-at-home father, and he was not the primary care-giver. Regardless of whether he was the primary care-giver, I accept that Father was a very involved father, and was probably the main carer during the times when Mother was busy working to meet deadlines and/or had to go to the office for meetings.

About a year later, in around March/April 2015, Mother resigned from her job. Mother says that she resigned because Father wanted to work in Spain and they decided to relocate to Spain. Father says she resigned because she could not cope with her work, and while they did discuss the possibility of moving to Spain, no firm decision was made.

From 13 April 2015 to 1 May 2015, the family travelled to Barcelona. Mother says she wanted to look for a new home; and check out the schools in Spain. However, in June 2015, Father started interviewing with another company and they put their plans to relocate to Spain on hold.

June/August 2015 – Mother leaves home

Sometime at around midnight on 9 June 2015, parties had a huge row and in the course of the argument, Father told Mother to move out of the Matrimonial home. The next day, on 10 June 2015, Mother moved to her parents’ home at xxx (“xxx”) in the East.

In the period June/July 2015, parties attended some counselling sessions. In July 2015, Mother moved back to the Matrimonial home.

However, parties continued to have disagreements. Mother says that during one occasion on 17 August 2015, Mother woke Father up at around 3am as the child was teething. Father then raised his voice at the child. Mother pleaded for him to stop and the child started crying. The next day, she packed a small bag and left the home with the child to stay in xxx. When Father saw her packing, he became angry, told her he wanted a divorce and asked her to move out.

Late August to October 2015 – Visit to Australia

Sometime in or around August 2015, both parties agreed that Mother would bring the child to Melbourne, Australia, for a holiday. They would stay with her brother who was living there. Father agreed, thinking it would be good for them to spend some time apart. They also agreed that Father would visit them from 25 September to 9 October 2015.

On 25 August 2015, Mother flew to Melbourne with the child. Father subsequently joined them in Australia in September 2015, as planned. He rented a house close to Mother’s brother’s place.

On 3 October 2016, there was an incident involving MGM at Mother’s brother’s home. Mother says that she was having an argument with Father about child access and support at her brother’s home when MGM came over to see what was wrong. This led to an altercation where Father shouted at MGM, kicked her and pushed her aside. MGM fell and suffered bruises on her knee and elbow. When Mother went to help MGM, Father pushed his way into the house and grabbed the child. The police were called but Father left before the police arrived. Father however denies the allegations. He says he exchanged harsh words with MGM but did not physically hurt her. He also says he did not grab the child but merely kissed and hugged the child.

On 5 October 2015, Father returned to Mother’s brother’s house. Mother says he grabbed the child and shouted at Mother. He also told the child they were getting a divorce and he would fight for the child. After that, MGM filed for an intervention order against Father. On 6 October 2015, Father consented to the intervention order, without admission of liability.

Attempts at reconciliation; Mother gets pregnant

In November 2015, after Mother and child returned from Australia, they went to live with her parents at xxx. Subsequently, on or about 21 November 2015, Mother and Father agreed to try and save the marriage. Mother and child therefore moved back to the Matrimonial home. Parties also revived discussions to move to Barcelona (although the relocation plans never eventuated). In late December 2015, Mother discovered she was pregnant.

January 2016 – Child start school at xxx

Meanwhile, on 23 November 2015, Mother enrolled the child in pre-nursery school at xxx at xxx; and in January 2016, the child started attending xxx from 1145am to 245pm every Monday to Friday. Mother says that she enrolled the child in xxx because there were available spaces, and she wanted him to socialise with other children while they sorted out their move to Spain.

27 January 2016 – holiday in Phuket

Shortly after that, on 27 January 2016, the family went on holiday to Phuket, Thailand. Unfortunately, this resulted in another altercation.

According to Mother, after they arrived, Father started drinking. They had an argument about his drinking when he started to become abusive. He pushed her and flung her so hard her T-shirt tore and she hit the wall; and he also grabbed a glass of wine and flung the contents on her face. She ran into the child’s bedroom, locked the door and called security. Before help arrived, he broke down a panel in the wooden door and opened the door. She begged him to stop and reminded him the child was sleeping and she was pregnant; but he continued to shout at her. Fortunately, the child did not wake up. After security arrived, she moved out of the room to stay in a different room with the child. According to Father, Mother has exaggerated the incident. He says he did not shout or commit family violence against Mother. On the contrary, Mother became enraged for no reason, was very emotional and slapped him across the face. She also threw a ceramic oil burner at him.

Mother says that the next day, 28 January 2016, when she was at the beach with the child, Father accosted them and took the child. He told the child that they were getting divorced and he would now have two homes. Father however denies accosting the child.

Parties start legal exchange over access; Mother suffers miscarriage

After Mother and child returned from Phuket, they returned to live with Mother’s parents at xxx.

On 2 February 2016, Mother lodged a police report against Father; and on 5 February 2016, filed for a Personal Protection Order against him.

On 4 February 2016,...